In Laws and Home Towns and Progesterone- Induced Moods

9 Aug

While I love my in-laws I have no interest in spending a week in their house in the hot and humid midwest in the middle of August.  But that is exactly what we are doing.  My husband loves being here.  The memories of exactly where he parked to go to school and where he took the shuttle bus from here to there just fill him with joy.  I just see pavement and cheap, depressing buildings at his old school when I look.  This is a depressing town and even a depressing state to visit at any time of year.  We argued about whose parents house was worse and he claims he feels the same way at my parents’ house.  This ended with my saying this was my last time coming to this place and he followed with saying he didn’t want to visit my inlaws either.  So we are at a bit of a standstill on that.  Last Christmas we actually rented a place with his parents in Hawaii.  It was wonderful!  We could be together without having to stay at their place in the frozen tundra.    I seriously think he should just come here on his own next time.    He likes to do the same thing as his parents like shopping at Sam’s Club, eating at low end chain restaurants and sitting in a cave-like house with windows closed and AC blasting.    If they lived nearby, I think this would be a lot easier.  Instead, they are talking about expanding the house which scares me into thinking they want to live out here forever and I am expected to keep coming back to this depressing part of the country.

Meanwhile I am not sure if I am really bothered by this or it is my med making me crazy.  I am definitely angry, irritable and depressed.  I read another person write in their blog that they took Prozac when they were trying to get pregnant.  I am started to think I need it.  I have a hard time finding joy in anything these days.  Part of it is the fear that this is just going to go on and on and there is no end.  That hit me yesterday.  Up until then I pulled myself up for another try and mentally looked up, hoped for the best and refused to think bad things. This time it is going to work.  I know i need to say this every month, but I struggle to make myself believe it again next month and the month after.

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