Drinking, Facebook and Christmas Cards

19 Sep

I went to bed last night very drunk after attending a very fun party in the city with friends.  It was pretty awesome to get to join in on the party after being so careful while I was pregnant or TTC. That’s probably the last big event like that for a while.  It was fun getting dressed up and joining in for a bit.

Yesterday and today I’ve been spending a lot of time on Facebook.  After months of complaining that it was full of fertiles and their constant kid pic uploads I decided to just  browse around and write nice comments and click “Like”.  I think having this blog actually helped me get back into it.  For a while I was bitter that I couldn’t post what was really going on with me on Facebook and was jealous of other folks who had less taboo issues they could share and get support for.    For me Facebook was more like Envybook where I would see photos- esp. of people with kids and families and it felt like a punch in the face and it would ruin my whole day.  This year all those first day of school status messages started killing me too.  Whenever my husband caught me looking at it, he would say “oh no” sensing the inevitable moaning and complaining that would follow about how unfair life is, etc.

Now that I’ve joined in this blog community I feel less marginalized and cast out (totally self-inflicted emotions, I know).   It’s just healthy for me to see other people’s lives as interesting and complicated and to be supportive.   We’ll see how long I can keep it up.  For now it feels good, so I will try to be more active there.   I know these past few years, ever since this all started I’ve spent too much time isolated and full of self pity.  I am grateful for my friends who’ve stuck with me as I haven’t always been the most receptive or available often cutting myself off and not answering messages.  I recognize that my ability to be available for others and to handle their baby/family news varies every day- sometimes throughout the day.

The true challenge is handling the photo Christmas cards.  I know, I know.  Those are months away, but my gut is already wrenching thinking about it.  While I love people’s children in person, the photos just send me over the edge as if they are saying- “Look at us!  We have a family and YOU DON’T!”.  I know they mean well, but I struggle with those.

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3 Responses to “Drinking, Facebook and Christmas Cards”

  1. Foxypopcorn September 19, 2010 at 7:34 pm #

    Oh Geez – I started thinking about the Christmas card issue this morning. I learned my lesson last year and didn’t even open the cards from people who had kids. They are still sitting in a box in my office, unopened. The first, and only, one I opened last year caught me so off guard. I ended up in tears, hiding in my closet, until my most rational sister convinced me that I didn’t have to open any more. I love christmas, and I love christmas cards, but the thought of these things waiting for me when I get home from a hard day at work is just too much. Its like a punch to the gut waiting for me in the mailbox day after day.

    Facebook hasn’t been much of an issue for me. Many of my ‘friends’ are older professional acquaintances, so they either don’t have kids, or their kids are grown.

    Glad to hear that you had a fun night out in the city 🙂 You deserve many many fun nights out! xoxo

    • starfishkittydreams September 19, 2010 at 10:33 pm #

      I did the same last year. I eventually opened them briefly. I didn’t send any. I kind of abstained. I was rather bitter about it all.

      This year i’d like to do something more, like send cards to show that i can still participate sans kids. Maybe something with my cat. Or something funny and clever to give people a laugh. – wendy

      Sent from my mobile device

  2. Nelly September 19, 2010 at 10:52 pm #

    You’re awesome to post this! I had a horrible time during back to school and have been thinking about the christmas card dilema and the “ooo…poor guys…had to put their dogs on the cards” comments sure to follow. But I’m thinking of just sending a picture of me nude instead. Kidding. I’d have to photoshop or get those panoramic pics done. Glad you had a good time!! Still waiting for AF to partake in some bahama mamas….or not!

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