Snap out of it

8 Nov

It is a new week and my brain is back from scary/crazy-land.  I was in a really bad place on Saturday and I don’t know if my brain is just in avoidance or if I am truly feeling ok.  But either way I will take it.  Going to group last night really helped.  First of all it is just great to be in a room where having trouble, real trouble, starting a family is the norm and not the exception.  It just got me out of my isolation of feeling singled out for some deserved punishment.   There are some folks who have really been through the wringer and back.  A few couples were coping with multiple failed rounds of IVF.  Another woman described how endometriosis destroyed both of their fallopian tubes. And worst of all, a couple that had done it all and announced their pregnancy in our last group were just found out to have miscarried.  I think that upset me the most as they were regulars who had been so giving in advice and so positive and encouraging to others and had literally tried it all including going to Mexico for controversial immunology treatments.    That said, someone with PCOS and male factor infertility announced they were pregnant after doing IF, doing acupuncture, going gluten-free,  and doing the controversial immunology treatments as well.

I’ve got my tubes and according to statistics still have a chance to have biological children naturally if we just keep at it, so I need to count my blessings.  Even though I am getting older which scares me, I am not over 40, yet.  I had success with our Femara and timed intercourse last time, so there’s no reason it wouldn’t work again and maybe this time work.  There are a lot of things on our side and I need to remember that.   I am still grateful that my chromosome aren’t criss-crossed permanently which was a serious fear.  It’s funny what you are grateful the more beaten down you get.

I was feeling better yesterday afternoon and even had the nerve to finally reach out to a good friend who is pregnant with her second and due in January.  I finally let her know what was going on with me and my third loss. I hadn’t seen her since she told me she was pregnant with her second. I couldn’t handle it.  When she acknowledged that she understood if I wasn’t comfortable seeing her in person, it just was what I wanted to hear.  It made me want to give it a try as she was a keeper, who clearly understood.   She had a loss trying to get pregnant the second time and we shared that grief together.  I was sad that I was losing her as a friend as I was slipping down this path alone.  Hopefully I can see her before her life is filled with a new baby and I hope I can be a friend, even if it’s a little bit at a distance.

Having another friend call me up to get a mani/pedi also realy perked me up.  It was AMAZING!  They did the parafiin treatment and massage and it was exactly what I needed.  Plus now my hands and toes look great for my presentation today! :  )


3 Responses to “Snap out of it”

  1. Nelly November 12, 2010 at 3:16 pm #

    “It’s funny what you are grateful the more beaten down you get.”

    SO TRUE! The past 6 months I’ve been pampering myself with pedi’s and getting my nails done. Saturday I go in for a massage!! Always perks up your soul a bit.

    Curious…who hosts your group? I’m thinking about starting one in my area and don’t know where to start.

  2. bodegabliss November 12, 2010 at 3:46 pm #

    I’m so happy to hear you’re feeling better! I tend to go in these waves myself. I think I’m on an up right now, as well. We’ll see how long it lasts, though. 🙂

    Thank you for your comment on my blog. I’m sorry that it has taken me so long to respond, but I was in my avoiding-anything-miscarriage-related week that I seem to go into every few weeks, only to fall right back into the all-i-can-think-about-is-pregnancy-loss weeks. Which, I’m guessing you know exactly what I mean by this because of what you mentioned in your comment. I haven’t received any response to my post for a miscarriage support group. I think my next step is to post it onto bulletin boards at hospitals. So we will see what happens with that. I was talking to a woman in Berkeley who was trying to do the same thing, but no one replied to hers as well. Maybe we can all get together? It’s something to think about. I just want to put a face to all of this, you know? I feel like then I won’t feel so alone. Right now, it’s all just out there in internet land.

    I’m sorry you were disappointed in the seminar as well. I think I had just set unrealistic expectations that were never going to be met for that (almost to the point where I thought I would come out of there with a newborn baby!). And I agree completely that it seemed like everyone was just to themselves, not wanting to even look around. At one point, the woman next to me asked a question and you could tell was holding back the tears, and all I wanted to do was put my hand on her shoulder but the atmosphere just didn’t allow it. And that made me even sadder than I was.

    Since the support group you go to is once a month, I wonder if it would be worth it for me to drive down there? I could probably do that once a month. Do you recommend it?

    Thank you again for reaching out to me in the blogosphere. Even though I’m dying to put another face to this experience, having an internet support group is amazing as well.

    I hope your happiness is infectious.

    • starfishkittydreams November 15, 2010 at 11:13 am #

      I go on and off as well. When I am busy and not thinking about baby-stuff I am my happiest and so I tend to let the blogging world take a backseat. It’s a blessing that my mind can take these mini-vacations called “distraction” and “avoidance”. However, I feel tremendous support for those in this community and want to make a serious effort to be supportive and available.

      I recommend the support groups, esp. the Stanford Repeat Loss group. Going once or twice even can be very powerful. It is led by a licensed nurse and counselor. I plan to go tomorrow night (Tue. November 16). There are usually only 5 or fewer women that come.

      Since weeknights may be tough, you may find it easier to go to the Palo Alto Resolve group that meets 2x month on Sunday nights at 7. This group is a lot bigger, about 10-25 people attend (men and women). Although not a professional, the volunteer facilitator is excellent! I am the only recurrent miscarry-er (spelling?) in the group as most folks are focused on infertility/IUI/IVF and third party IVF. However, I still feel a lot of connection as we are in the same boat of being “reproductive minorities” and all the emotional baggage that comes with it.

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