No News is Good News- 6 weeks and 2 days

20 Jan

It’s a week until D-Day (my first ultrasound) and I am feeling the tension and anxiety already.  I overly obsess over every weird sign my body gives me from pains and spotting to nausea and fatigue.  I’ve already learned that just because you have a positive pregnancy sign, good hcg numbers, pregnancy symptoms and no menstrual period, it doesn’t mean anything is guaranteed.  Meanwhile I AM having these symptoms which constantly remind me that SOMETHING is going on in there. I’m reminded again as I cut out coffee, sex, alcohol and any real exercise from my life.   I’ve gone from my usual dance workouts to just going to the occasional yoga class and doing an occasional walk around the neighborhood which I have to drag myself to do as I am constantly tired.  I honestly just don’t feel like myself.  I should be excited but I mostly just want to sleep and tune out.

I feel like I am in the quiet before the storm and I have a hard time concentrating on anything.  Part of me is tempted to just go in on Saturday instead of waiting the full week.  I’m scared and I feel like I am stressing when I should be enjoying myself.  I am letting myself think that maybe things will go well. But when people (the few that I’ve told) say “congratulations” I immediately knock on wood and just say “we’ll see”.

Most recently my acupuncturist gave me a “moxa stick” that I am supposed to light and hold over my head and at my feet to help prevent miscarriage.  I have them here, still unwrapped.  It seems a bit too voodoo for me and potentially dangerous as you could totally burn yourself if you hold it too close.  I love that they believe in this, but I feel like my fate is already sealed.  If this one has bad chromosomes, these sticks aren’t going to change anything.  Of course if I don’t use them and it turns out bad I will feel SO guilty that I didn’t even try.  So I pledge to give it a try.  I’d love more info on these, but haven’t found anything on line that supports her claim that they help with pregnancy.  Here is something about how to use moxa sticks to treat infertility.   It is an interesting concept for sure.

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5 Responses to “No News is Good News- 6 weeks and 2 days”

  1. bodegabliss January 21, 2011 at 11:04 am #

    I say go in on Saturday! There’s no need to cause yourself more stress in the meantime. Do everything you can to ease your mind.

    And I hear you on the moxa sticks…I think I’d be feeling the same way.

    Also, just curious, is the no exercise something that was recommended by your RE? I’ve been thinking about this, going back and forth in my mind on when I get pregnant again, if I should lay low or keep doing my thing. I talk myself into exercising by thinking it will help circulate my blood, and that should be good for the (future) baby, right? But then I hear that you should take it easy with a history like ours. So which is it? I have a feeling my OB will say to keep doing what I’ve been doing, but she’s not a fertility/miscarriage specialist.

  2. Misfit January 21, 2011 at 3:31 pm #

    This is a whole new level of hell when you have to just wait and worry. I know how hard it is to convince yourself that you can be fine, but really, you can be fine.

    Hang in there for your ultrasound to get all of your info at once. I’m pulling for excellent chromosomes and a very, very normal first look. No news IS great news.

  3. Rach January 21, 2011 at 4:39 pm #

    Congratulations on your pregnancy!!

    ~x~

  4. starfishkittydreams January 21, 2011 at 7:39 pm #

    I am going to hold tight. The last thing I want to hear is ambiguous news. I’d rather just wait than hear the words I fear “I am not sure what is going on, but maybe you are not far enough along. Come back again in a week and maybe we will see a heartbeat then.” They may still say this, but I am sure the longer I wait, the better as far as getting any certainty.

  5. Foxypopcorn January 21, 2011 at 9:45 pm #

    sending you lots of love,

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