2 days til first ultrasound, paranoia steps in

25 Jan

I woke up this morning feeling lower back cramps and my mind immediately jumped to — oh no, am I starting to miscarry?  My brain has really not been able to have any pleasure in this pregnancy.  I’ve been in a state of constant worry and anxiety this whole time afraid of where this will go, already assuming the worst.  Last time I was little miss optimism, figuring the odds of having a third loss were so rare and already fantasizing about becoming a mother.  Now I feel like the odds of me having a healthy normal pregnancy are rare and I can’t think past this Thursday.  Definitely glass half empty thinking here.  I am two days away from finding out SOMETHING.  I just need to hold it together here.  Since things at work and in my life otherwise have been very slow and uneventful it has given me way too much time to stew on these worries.  That’s definitely not helping.

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3 Responses to “2 days til first ultrasound, paranoia steps in”

  1. Katie January 25, 2011 at 9:20 am #

    Hang in there. I hope the next two days fly by, and you get excellent news from the doctors!

  2. bodegabliss January 25, 2011 at 9:24 am #

    We learned from that seminar that you have an 80% of this being a successful pregnancy with treatment. 80%!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just keep telling yourself over and over again: 80%. That’s a huge percentage. Much bigger than it was before.

    (I can say all this, but I know I will be exactly where you when I get pregnant again. I’m sorry it’s so stressful. I wish I could make all the anxiety go away. So feel free to just get mad at me for saying all that above, I know I would if someone said that to me when I was feeling like you. But I just wanted to remind you! 🙂 )

    (80%!)

    • starfishkittydreams January 25, 2011 at 10:09 am #

      Thank you! I am not mad at all. That was exactly what I needed to hear. My brain can rest for now : )

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