First Birthday Party

17 Apr

My friends held the first birthday party for their first child today.  I dragged my butt there and feared for the worst but managed to dodge and avoid most of the kids and parents and uncomfortable questions by moving around a lot and seeking out the people without kids to mingle with.  As the party progressed the number of parents and children grew and I felt it reach a boiling point for me so I made my escape.  It was the first time I’d seen a lot of my friends in a while and the first time I saw their little ones.  All together like that was WAY too much to process.  At one point one of my friends asked who we are hanging out with these days.  Now that all our friends have kids the honest answer would be noone.  We pretty much stay in and watch a lot of TV.  Hanging out with friends that don’t know the story is exhausting!  I find myself making up crappy excuses for things (even my completely made up reason for leaving the party early) to save them and us the discomfort of having the conversation.  I toyed with just coming clean, but I realize they still wouldn’t really get it.  I couldn’t say, “hey, by the way these events where everyone talks about their children KILL me”!  There’s no way to tell someone WITH kids how much hearing about them and seeing their photos hurt.  So I just hold it in and I am feeling very tired of holding it in. I made it through today, but man, I don’t need any more baby parties again soon!

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