Cycle Day 13

16 May

I head in to the RE tomorrow for another check at my downstairs.  Hopefully we’ve got 1 or 2 got follicles ready to burst!  I’m feeling extra pressure to make it happen this month.  I’ve made the decision that this is our last round of timed intercourse with oral meds.  Next month I’m going to try using injections and then in a few months, IVF with PGD.  I’ve decided I want to jump into it sooner rather than later.  While I don’t think I need to do IVF to get pregnant (given we managed the last 4 times), I do think we may learn something that could help us and maybe eliminate some of the bad embryos with PGD.  At this point I am starting to wonder if maybe we just have the wrong raw materials coming together and that’s leading to the miscarriages.  My RE can’t confirm anything and seems to think I should just keep trying naturally again and again and one of these days have a pregnancy that results in live birth.  I know so much of this is just chance, but I am eager to get some answers and ultimately less afraid of IVF than I once was.

It all started with our visit to the adoption counselor.  After talking with her and hearing about the complications of adoption and birth mothers and all the costs and legal hoops you have to go through I really felt even more committed to trying to have a child naturally, even if I don’t use my own eggs.  While I love the idea of adopting because I love the idea of giving a home to a child that needs parents, I was not excited about competing with all the other hopeful adoptive parents for a chance at the limited pool of newborns available through domestic adoption.  The complication of having relations with the birth parents and their families along with all the other challenges involved made the whole process seem incredibly difficult.  On top of it all there is the difficulty of bonding with a baby that is only ours because of a legal document.   I am reading more about both domestic and international adoption as they each have their challenges, but at this point I really feel like the costs and efforts are greater than trying for a child naturally and there are so many strings attached and so little control.  I can’t imagine what it is like to carry a child and then give birth to it and then give it away to another person.  How incredibly difficult.  I just feel so bad for the women who are stuck making this difficult decision.  What a huge loss for them.  IVF with donor eggs or donor sperm or even donor embryos sounds so much less complicated and painful in comparison.  There is more of a sense of connection with the baby from birth and less guilt that another mother carried the child and gave birth and is therefor the “real” mother.

Getting ahead of myself.  Fingers crossed for this month!  I need to just relax and get busy with Mr. Starfish over the next few days.  Praying this month we have success!

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2 Responses to “Cycle Day 13”

  1. Hope May 16, 2011 at 5:45 am #

    Sounds like you have a whole lot to think about. Good luck this month–I really hope things go well for you!

    And thanks for your comments on my blog. I can relate to your desire to get more information and possibly a sooner resolution to this whole RPL thing, by using IVF with PGD. That’s the main reason I’m feeling willing to try the immunology stuff–from my research, it seems to offer more hope of a quicker resolution than just continuing to TTC. (I’m *not* saying you should do what I’m doing, just that I can really relate to the desire to do something *more* to make this happen sooner!)

  2. Mrs. Brightside May 16, 2011 at 9:37 pm #

    I can so relate to EVERYTHING you are thinking about, have mulled over all the same rationales, pros, cons. I hate that there are only “less sh*tty” choices on the table – they all have their up and down sides, no easy answers. I’m also thinking about IVF, but I go back and forth about PGD, so much confusing information on it. And I think I’m leaning towards egg donor/embryo adoption, too, as the next thing we would explore, but right now I just have no faith in my body’s ability to do anything right, so they scare me too. I’ll be thinking about you and hoping for a wonderful outcome, however it may come to you.

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