Second ultrasound: Week 7

22 Jun

I was REALLY hoping to have a second positive update.  It is officially 1 week after my good u/s visit at 6 weeks.  I’ve already started mourning and grieving.  I had my second u/s this morning and there was still a heartbeat and there was some growth since last week, but she said it was not as much as she would have liked to see.  The heartbeat should be faster, the growth should be more to be “normal” and “on track”.  I’ve been here before.  Wait and see = Prep for another loss.  I can’t imagine some miracle where things turn around and magically become normal.  I see this as just another pregnancy that is 7 weeks along and at 8 weeks dies.  The rate at which this slow speed train crash happens is up in the air, but the writing is on the wall, I am headed for another crash and I am mentally trying to do anything I can to prepare and minimize the pain.  My RE wants me to have more cautious optimism, but at this point any good news will be a surprise and completely unexpected. I am fully expecting loss #5 and really filled with anger and frustration about it.  How many times can I keep falling on my ass and getting up and trying again before I can get it through my thick skull that I am just going to fall again.  Yes, I am in hopeless talk mode now and just feeling pain and self-pity.  I don’t know why I had any hope that this time would be any different than the previous times.  Hopefully after a good cry I can pull myself together.

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11 Responses to “Second ultrasound: Week 7”

  1. Mo June 22, 2011 at 12:13 pm #

    Oh honey I’m so sorry for you. i wish you had better news. But please don’t give up hope yet. I’m crossing my fingers for you that things improve. Sending you huge huge hugs!

  2. Enough gal June 22, 2011 at 1:00 pm #

    I know how scary it is. Hang in there.

  3. Amy June 22, 2011 at 2:44 pm #

    I’m so sorry. Here from Misfit Mrs.’s blog. Our stories/patterns of losses sound similar – I know how horrible this in-between wait-and-see shit is. It’s so hard, impossible even, to be hopeful when you’ve been through the RPL wringer – so we’ll hope for you. It just sucks. Treat yourself to whatever you can and know that we’re here for you to vent. Feel free to email me if you feel up to it – I know it’s odd reaching out to strangers, but I’ve found it does help a little to be able to tell my story and listen to the similar experiences of others in this boat. Keep us posted, we’ll be here…

    • sandy June 22, 2011 at 5:36 pm #

      Oh I’m so sorry. I’ve been there and the wait and see is not fun. But your baby still has a hearbeat so I think you are still in the game. I’m praying that your next appointment is much better than you anticipate. Hang in there. Sending hugs your way!

  4. missohkay June 22, 2011 at 7:18 pm #

    😦 I’m so sorry. It’s not fair that we have to go through these terrible ups and downs (and downs and downs). Will be hoping for some miracle growth next week ❤

  5. Mrs. Brightside June 22, 2011 at 8:15 pm #

    I’m so sorry. I wish there was something more I could say or do. You deserved for this to be your take-home baby, and not another cruel disappointment. I will be praying for you and for a positive turnaround, and at least for some peace during the excruciating wait of knowing for sure what is happening. I just want to scream and cry and throw things!!!! It’s just so unfair, so unfair for all of us who suffer these losses. Please feel free to contact me offline if you ever need to talk.

  6. Port of Indecision June 22, 2011 at 9:57 pm #

    I’m so sorry. I’ve been there too, more times than I really care to recall. And this part, in many ways, is the worst.

  7. Kelly June 23, 2011 at 6:15 am #

    I just found your blog from another’s…

    I’m so sorry that you’re living through this again. I’m a RPL loss woman, too and understand just how absolutely excruciatingly painful it is.

    We’re all here for you…hoping and praying.

  8. Amy-Lynn June 23, 2011 at 7:35 am #

    Hoping and praying…

  9. Foxypopcorn June 23, 2011 at 9:31 pm #

    You’ve been on my mind so much. It sucks so much that this can’t be easier. It just isn’t fair.

  10. Jen June 28, 2011 at 3:24 pm #

    My story is very similar to yours, and I am feeling very much like you at this moment.I am 7 weeks and have my 2nd appointment and 1st ultrasound tomorrow. I have had a few first ultrasound appointments, ending with a “I am sorry, there is not a heartbeat”. My stomach is turning, tonight as a sit and try to patiently wait for tomorrows appointment. I am excited and nervous at the same time. I am going to pray for you tonight, because I know the exact feeling you have. Good luck and God bless!

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