ABC’s “The View” focuses on infertility and surrocacy

24 Jun

I will just admit up front that The View is kind of a guilty pleasure of mine- my little break from work that I tend to indulge in during breakfast or lunch as part of breaking up the day working from home.  Typically on Friday’s they show something light and random, but today they totally lifted my spirit!  This Friday they took the full show to discuss a hot infertility topic with a  Special Episode of the View on Surrogacy.  This is the second time the show has dedicated a whole show to infertility.  If you can find the first episode online (or in my earlier post) it is totally worth watching.

The show raised a really good question.  Would you consider surrogacy?  When I first got on this wagon before things got rough, I thought “no way”.  I really thought if it got to that point I’d rather adopt.  Now that it has gotten closer to that point and I have considered adoption, I am not so sure adoption is for us.  Since my fertility/RPL issues are unexplained I also don’t know if surrogacy would even help.  I know of a case where a women (from my RPL support group) did use a surrogate and even the surrogate had a miscarriage.  I basically don’t have enough confidence in my eggs at this point to even consider investing in something like that.  So what about egg donor + surrogate?  Well, yes, this would probably work as then I am completely out of the equation.  But I don’t want to be out of the equation just yet.   I am not ready to make that leap.  The guests on the show that did it said they had accepted this and were able to move forward and are glad they did.   Right now I still have some hope in my own parts and it feels premature to move to that already.   

That raises the million dollar question- when to say when?   When have we done enough and we should start working on accepting non-biological children?  No doctor seems to say, ok, give up on that and move to Plan B.  It is up to us to draw that line.

While I hope and pray little embie grows and makes a miraculous showing at the 8-week ulstrasound, my mind has to start thinking of our next steps and how much farther we want to go.


5 Responses to “ABC’s “The View” focuses on infertility and surrocacy”

  1. Mo June 24, 2011 at 1:53 pm #

    I so completely understand where you’re coming from. I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately, you know, when is enough really enough? I always thought that I would never consider surrogacy, but with every subsequent loss I have to admit I’m beginning to reconsider. I think my one main problem is that I’m going to have such a hard time letting go of the “giving birth” part of being a mom. I think the thing that sucks the most about being an RPLer is that we KNOW the amazing feeling of being pregnant. I kind of see it as constantly wanting a fix, once you have it and lose it. Does that make any sense?
    But honey- I’m still hoping for you (for both of us!) that this one hangs on and this won’t even be an issue. Huge hugs!

    • starfishkittydreams June 25, 2011 at 10:28 am #

      Thank you for your supportive comment! I have to agree. Knowing and being so close makes me feel so incomplete and makes it harder to let go. I’m hanging in there and trying not to obsess over all the weird aches and pains in my nether regions.

  2. tasivfer June 26, 2011 at 5:06 pm #

    It’s so hard to know what to do when, when you’ve had enough, etc. And if you have an RE like mine it’s hard to convince him to try things because he couldn’t possibly cope with not being seen as the god of everything. I went along with him for too long. Way too long. I let him take my money and torture me. He didn’t let me try all the things I wanted. Maybe DHEA would have made it possible for me to have a child biologically mine. Maybe not. And it was me putting my foot down and saying enough is enough that got me donor eggs.

    And now I have a bub in my tum who has lasted to almost 33 weeks. And just in case you ever have to face trying donor eggs, I don’t even think about him not being ‘mine’. I’ve grown all but the first few cells of him myself. I’m the one who hasn’t had wine in a billion years to keep him well and tries to eat right for him. I’m the one who feels him move at night. He’s MINE I’m incredibly grateful to my anonymous donor, but I don’t feel guilty for feeling so completely like he’s mine because in being an anonymous donor I think this is what she wanted. Sparky will know about his origin, but that’s not his whole life. Sorry if I’m going on about my situation a bit, but just in case it helps down the track.

    But hopefully you don’t need to consider this. It might be hard for you to do it, but I’m holding out hope for your little one – hoping like crazy this is the one!

  3. Mrs. Brightside June 29, 2011 at 5:12 pm #

    I’m not ready to let go of a baby that’s partly “me” yet either. I’m working on it, but it’s really hard. I find myself obsessing over familial likenesses between parents and children and siblings – in my family, in my friends and their kids, in perfect strangers on the street, even a guy on an commercial. It’s getting ridiculous. Even so, in theory I’m open to using an egg donor or surrogate, but right now I’m feeling so confused on if it’s my body or my eggs causing our problems, that who knows if either if these would even help. Argh. I just keep waiting for that magical baby store to open up.

    Hope you’re doing okay. I’m not sure when you have your next ultrasound, but wanted you to know that I’m thinking of you.

  4. Port of Indecision June 29, 2011 at 6:01 pm #

    When to give up, what to do, when to do it, what are we really ok with. Not to mention how much will it all cost.

    I really hate those questions. Because there’s no good answer. Obviously, none of us wants to ever even be having to make those decisions in the first place. And it sure doesn’t help that none of this comes with a guarantee.

    Best wishes for your 8w u/s, and I completely understand the need to already be thinking a step or two ahead.

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