What next?

29 Jul

I felt pretty depressed and crappy these last few days.  Sad about where I am in this path.  Looking back and wondering where the time has gone.  Pissed off at my rotten luck and my lack of answers.  We saw our RE yesterday and talked for a very long time.  This was our first visit since the D & C and she didn’t even take a look under the hood.  It was a meeting to refer us to a clinic that offers immunology testing and treatment.  They don’t do that in house at their clinic so it’s almost like we’ve hit the end of the road.  I had been planning a big ramp up to IVF with PGD but now that we have these test results (normal 46, XY, ie. healthy baby boy) I don’t know know what to do.  If we HAD done IVF with PGD, we would have implanted this healthy boy embryo and sure enough I would have miscarried it.  It makes no sense.   What does make some sense is the hope that maybe finding an issue that may be treatable with my immune system may help.  It at least has some logic to it.  We’ve ruled out all the other possible causes of pregnancy loss.  Perhaps my immune system is just rejecting my babies as it would a transplanted organ.  No research or studies is going to help.  My doctor said the only way to know what is going to work is to try it.  It’s come to this.  I figure it’s worth it.  If we are able to do these treatments and skip IVF, even better.  While I am open to anything right now, donor eggs, sperm, embryos, surrogacy, etc. I really want to give the natural biological thing a shot.

On the waiting end my hcg levels are still up there (190).  I guess if I took a pee test today it would still come up as positive.

Meanwhile my mom just emailed me something about adopting Russian orphans.  Clearly she had given up.

On a happy note we watched Cedar Rapids on Netflix (a comedy that most people missed in the theater).  Totally funny!  Tim:  “How do you make the tiger dance? Man: You gotta show them a little teet

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3 Responses to “What next?”

  1. Hope July 29, 2011 at 6:39 am #

    I hear you on how the immune testing and treatment are worth a try. My doctor was able to do some of the immune tests, but the treatment he prescribed hasn’t done enough, and I’m ready to move on to consulting with the Beer Center and doing a full panel of tests.

    I really hope this turns out to bring you some answers and to help you carry to term next time. I know what you mean about being open to options but really wanting to give the genetic, biological thing another try. I feel a lot the same.

    (((Hugs)))

    p.s. you can e-mail me if you want to talk to someone else who’s just getting started with all this immune stuff. tls_with_woman (at) yahoo (dot) com

  2. bodegabliss July 29, 2011 at 10:03 am #

    Great, we’re going to be quite the pair on Sunday. 😉 I’ve been having a rough few days, too. I hope you’re able to get some answers with the tests. I completely understand wanting to give it another shot yourself…it’s hard to give up on that, isn’t it?

  3. Another Dreamer July 29, 2011 at 6:37 pm #

    I agree that the immune testing and treatment is worth a try, maybe even treating for a possibly un-Dx’ed clotting disorder too (I’ve seen women use therapeutic Lovenox doses just for recurrent losses and have success too). Just my thoughts. I’m sorry for the results and no clear answers 😦

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