Missing B-RPL

30 Jul

We had dinner with some friends last week and when the conversation turned to how they spend their free time they both said “Oh yeah, we had so much fun BK.  Those were the days…”  “BK? What does that stand for?” I asked naively.  The other couple responded “Before Kids!”.  “Oh” I responded and just sat there with my mouth shut unable to jump on the sympathy bus.  Both couples had come up with a fun acronym to describe their carefree lives before they had children.  How cute, right? (Insert finger down throat.)

I am not in their shoes, so it’s easy to judge.  I find myself in my own version of this nostalgia.  Let’s call is B-TTC or B-RPL or B-IF.  I find myself so nostalgic for the days before we started trying and miscarrying (pre-Jan 2008).  I long for my naive days before I learned what blighted ovums,  D & C’s, and missed miscarriages were and before I felt like a reproductive failure.  Those were the days!  Back when I thought things were going to be normal and fine.  When I remember those days I see myself so differently, so confident, optimistic and energetic.  I wasn’t aware of this at the time (naturally).  Now I find myself so cynical, negative and anti-social.  When I see photos of my self or have memories of myself I find myself calculating and asking, was that before the RPL started?  B-RPL memories seem to have this happy carefree glow about them.  My lens on life permanently changed as a result and I can’t help but have nostalgia for B-RPL…  Anyone else find them self longing for memory lane?

On another note I wanted to share something that really inspired me.  To this day this is the BEST I’ve ever heard at a commencement and one of the most inspiring speeches period.  No unnecessary words are used and each story is completely authentic and personal.  (Jump to 7:30)  I thought it was just me or the day I heard it, but I’ve since seen it at the top of the rankings for best commencement speeches.

(And yes, he gave the speech B-RPL so I get that happy glow too.  This was the speech at Mr. Star’s grad school commencement.)

Steve Jobs, Stanford 2005

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4 Responses to “Missing B-RPL”

  1. Mo July 30, 2011 at 12:05 pm #

    Oh I’ve seen this speech before! It’s amazing! I find myself feeling the same way all the time. Especially for me – nostalgic for those two weeks of innocent, happy, ignorant, hormonal pregnancy before my first loss. Urgh.

  2. Another Dreamer July 31, 2011 at 7:07 pm #

    I’ll have to watch the video later when I get a chance.

    I did want to say that you’re not alone though. I remember and thinks about B-TTC and B-RPL a lot, and I miss what we had then. I miss how carefree things were then. But I’ve also gained so much by going through this too, and while that could never make up for what I went through… it is nice to know it wasn’t all for nothing. I learned better compassion, even if my bitter-jaded side is stronger too. I learned more about love than I would have otherwise too. But you’re right… that time before all this, it was nice. It was nice to be naive, to not have went through such terrible things, to have not had so many appts/surgeries/procedures, to not have to hear such awful words from doctors. I miss it still. I miss not living in fear, not living in complete uncertainty of the future, I miss not having to see a doctor several times a month, and missing important events in my life, announcements/comments ripping my heart up… I totally hear you.

  3. Port of Indecision August 2, 2011 at 6:44 pm #

    Yeah, life really does become divided into B-RPL and A-RPL. And I know I sure as hell miss the old B-RPL me, and I wish it was the “BK” me I was missing instead. Because those (oh-so-cutesy-and-clever) people bemoaning the change in their lives since kids, they GOT something for it. We didn’t. Unless you count, as you said, knowledge of things like blighted ovums and D&Cs, the ability to read an early u/s better than most techs, the ability to say, “Well, when I have miscarriages, they go like this,” etc.

  4. Port of Indecision August 2, 2011 at 6:45 pm #

    Oh, and PS – Conan’s commencement address from this year was also wonderful.

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