Little kitty is on his ninth life

13 Dec

Our seventeen year old cat looks like he may finally be on his ninth life.  He has a very slow progressing form of small cell lymphoma and was diagnosed almost two years ago.  They estimated he would live on average two more years.  Sure enough he is starting to dwindle.  His weight was dropping so our oncologist put him on a new chemo therapy and he has not been the same since.  He barely eats and we are even syringe feeding him (yuk!).  He is stable, but doesn’t have great hope for a turnaround and the stress of this is really killing me.  We have a trip planned for Christmas for two weeks coming up and I can’t stand the thought of him alone in our house during that time with just someone stopping by to check on him.  I feel almost cruel leaving him.  I’ve thought that maybe we should consider euthanasia now as I worry about him each day and can’t bare to see him suffer.  Mr. Star seems to think he’s ok and he’ll be fine while we are away.  What I am recognizing is that even if the cat is somewhat stable, I am meanwhile feeling drained worrying about him and all his medical needs.  I know he doesn’t have much time left and I don’t know when the right time is to say good bye. I got the nerve up to ask the vet about euthanasia but left the office overwhelmed with tears.  Even now the tears are coming.  I can’t think of any scenario when saying good bye is going to be easy, but every day now I wonder if he is going to be ok today.  I hate the thought of putting him down, but keeping him alive and comfortable and fed is increasingly difficult and draining.

Meanwhile I have been getting pregnancy symptoms during my second week of the two week wait: fatigue, nausea and lower back cramps/aches.  My brain is SO hopeful that just maybe we got lucky and are on the fast track this time.  We waited almost six months to start trying after our last loss (in July) because we were pursuing these time consuming immunology treatments.  With those behind us and after such a long wait to get back on the horse we are really eager to get see some results!

4 Responses to “Little kitty is on his ninth life”

  1. Misfit Mrs. December 14, 2011 at 8:15 am #

    That is such a hard decision. Poor kitty can’t be very comfortable. You’ve put too much on hold to have this hanging. I am super hopeful that you’ve got the symptoms right. Patience only goes so far. I have high hopes that the wait will be worth it with a healthy pregnancy.

  2. Mo December 14, 2011 at 8:48 am #

    I’m so sorry about your cat. 😦 I’m sure you’ll figure out what is best for you and for him.
    Here’s hoping those six months paid off! Crossing fingers toes, and any other appendages available! xoxo

  3. bodegabliss December 14, 2011 at 11:03 am #

    Oh no! Poor little kitty! That is such a tough decision…I know I dread it with my dog in the future. Especially when we’re going through what we are, they become our babies even more so. I wish I had some words that would make you feel better, but I know nothing will. If you love your cat as much as I love my dog, the pain is unbearable.

    As for your symptoms — OH MY WORD! I’m going to keep my fingers crossed. You deserve for this time to be it so much. I’m going to keep sending good thoughts your way. I hope this is it. xoxo

  4. dreamergirl December 16, 2011 at 11:01 am #

    W, I pray that your 2 week wait yields positive results.

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