Back from Uruguay and Hope for This Month

7 Jan

We arrived back in California from our 2-week Uruguayan adventure on Thursday (20 hours of travel!) and I am SO glad to be back.  While it had its moments, I really struggled with being the good wife and daughter-in-law in a foreign country where I was expected to just fall in line and follow along everyday.  For someone who is used to spending most days alone (I work from home alone in my house) it was a real adjustment to spending every day with a minimum of 5 people and having to come to an agreement before doing anything like choosing a restaurant or when to go to the drug store.

As the only non-native Spanish speaker I was at a real disadvantage always requiring some assistance or translation.  For example when I wanted to buy pantiliners I needed to bring my MIL to communicate with the sales person.  The pharmacies there are tiny stores with all products behind the counter, so you have to go in asking for exactly what you want and then negotiate with the sales person-  boy , I missed Walgreens!  Thank goodness I wasn’t buying anything even more personal or embarrassing (like a pregnancy test)!  Fortunately I brought all my OPKs, prenatals, progesterone supplements and other supplies from the US.

To bone up I actually had private tutoring which did help quite a bit, but I still felt miles behind.  This isn’t my first time living abroad.  Actually in college I lived for a semester in Athens, Greece because I was passionate about Ancient Greek Art and Architecture.  The program was in English and I just used my English and basic Greek phrases from a phrasebook to get around with my other English-speaking American classmates.  I regretted not learning a foreign language though, so the year after I graduated I applied for a job in Duesseldorf, Germany to be an au-pair for a family with 3 kids putting my high school and college German classes to the test.  With no English classmates I really had the immersion experience and to this day my German is still better than my Spanish.  Looking back I remember how I was filing away lessons for the future noting how I would raise my own family completely oblivious to what was ahead of me.  So naive.

The good news is all the family drama in Uruguay kept my mind well away from the bigger matter at hand- making a new family member of our own.   This is our second month of trying since we got the green light from the Beers Center.  I still have another week or so before I will get any results, but I am already pessimistic as I’ve had some bleeding.  It started on the plane trip back and Mr. Star is convinced it is related.  My first miscarriage happened right after a plane trip and ever since he is convinced that the change in air pressure is dangerous.  Every doctor we’ve talked to has confirmed there is no risk, but you know how your brain can cling to these superstitions based on coincidental personal experiences.  Meanwhile I had Sushi for dinner last night and a cup of coffee this morning, so clearly I am not heading the do’s and don’ts list.

It is exactly 4 years ago that we started TTC.  I NEVER expected that we’d be still going at this thing in 2012.  It is probably better that I had no idea.  When I start adding up the years of trying and the number of miscarriages and then throw in that I am turning 39 this summer I go into MAJOR panic.  It’s my worst nightmare realized.  Now I am just trying to remind myself that maybe, just maybe, I am actually close this time, maybe it is just around the corner and there is no reason to panic.  Maybe this month will be the month.

7 Responses to “Back from Uruguay and Hope for This Month”

  1. Hope January 7, 2012 at 12:54 pm #

    I’m glad your trip went fairly well. And I really, really hope that the bleeding was implantation related and not air pressure related. But I can also see why you’re feeling pessimistic. Sometimes, it’s easier than being hopeful.

  2. Izzy January 7, 2012 at 3:08 pm #

    I hope it was implantation bleeding!!!

    And i definitely think its best we not know whats ahead, the suspense makes life worth living!

  3. mrs. brightside January 7, 2012 at 3:32 pm #

    Over 3 years TTC? Check. Turning 39? Check. Totally paranoid about flying? Check. Completely freaked out over all of it? Check-a-rooni.

    I’m right there with you. Here’s hoping this month is the one where it all turns around. It has to happen one of these days, right?

  4. Misfit Mrs. January 8, 2012 at 3:33 pm #

    It sounds like you had family overload. I will second the freakout over flying, but given that I’ve now been on eight flights with a passenger, I can say that you haven’t done anything to your chances. Four years of this is more than enough. The heartbreak of RPL is that you know that getting pregnant isn’t the issue and going through each loss sets you back months. Four years? Turning 39?

    I know there’s hope for you. I have real hope in this therapy and my big wish is for you to be solidly pregnant facing that birthday.

  5. Andie January 8, 2012 at 10:48 pm #

    I never thought I’d still be here in 2012 either. I will also be turning 39 this year and I am…kind of in a panic. I just realised you also used the word panic! I really understand where you are coming from rigtht now. I also believe in the flying superstition, for what it’s worth. I’m hoping you get good results, despite the bleeding.

    Wow, that family situation would drive me nuts. I couldn’t possibly negotiate with five people about going to the chemist!

  6. curious about LIT January 9, 2012 at 5:16 pm #

    I hope you get the news you are hoping for! I’ve been reading your blog, amazed at how similar our lives are at the moment. My husband and I are headed to Nogales in a couple of weeks for LIT recommended by the Beer Center. I’m wondering if you’d be open to talking with me on the phone or by email in more detail? I’d love it.

    • starfishkittydreams January 10, 2012 at 9:22 pm #

      Absolutely! I’d love to talk. I will send my contact info to your email address.

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