Stay Sad Stay Angry

11 Jan

This was the lesson I got from my therapy session this morning.  Since about a year ago I’ve been seeing a counselor who has helped me process this experience and hold it together.  Today was my first time seeing her in three weeks and I had so much on my mind.  I shared how I am still stricken with grief over the death of my cat (who I miss terribly), angry and resentful at my in-laws (and husband) for dragging me to in-law-palooza in Uruguay for two weeks (not ready to forgive) and frustrated and scared about our (lack of) progress in building a family going into the new year.  Her advice: “Be sad, Be angry, Let yourself stay with the emotions instead of trying to avoid them”.  Her advice was oddly reassuring.  While I was blaming myself for not being able to be happy and “put on a brave face” for the rest of the world,  her take was that I don’t need to.  My understanding/hope is that staying with it will hopefully mean that I can go through the emotions and move forward as opposed to my usual response, repression (which we all know leeds to out of control emotional explosions at inopportune moments).  Anyone who reads or writes an IF/RPL-related blog knows what it’s like to have to stuff away emotions and put on that happy face in social situations.   For now I feel like I have a license to just shirk that off and be pissed or cry or whatever because that’s where I am.


7 Responses to “Stay Sad Stay Angry”

  1. Misfits January 11, 2012 at 5:00 pm #

    I’m a big believer in just going through things. It’s like rowing up a fast moving river, you can fight the current trying to go where you want to go, but riding it out will also take you someplace new. I am glad that your therapist gave you such insight. In my experience, it always gets way worse before it gets better. There’s only so much brave face that one can have during all this.

    I’m also hoping that you’ll pull through this cycle and not have to resort to plan b or c. As if it’s not enough to have to mourn your kitty and recover from in-law overload, you have a huge burden of what the hell to do next. Just one of those would be enough to deal with at once. Give yourself space to sort it out and feel what you need. Being selfish in this case is warranted.

  2. missohkay January 11, 2012 at 5:09 pm #

    Sounds like a smart therapist. We do as a community suffer in silence and put on a brave face so often, but it gets tiring. You deserve a break.

  3. Kelli January 11, 2012 at 11:07 pm #

    love her advice. hugs!

  4. mrs. brightside January 12, 2012 at 5:16 pm #

    I LOVE your therapist. The brave face is tiring. I’ve definitely spent more weekend nights on the couch watching House Hunters Intl then I ever thought possible, but sometimes I just can’t go out and small talk and pretend that everything is okay. We are dealing with more than most will ever have to in their lifetime – do whatever you need to heal and deal.

  5. Izzy January 13, 2012 at 12:12 pm #

    I think that’s great advice. I find I only feel worse when I resist my anger or sadness. When I just give into it, I tend to work though it quicker. Plus there’s a sense of freedom in letting yourself feel however you feel.

  6. bodegabliss January 14, 2012 at 10:16 am #

    That’s what my therapist tells me to do as well. It definitely helps. I can only imagine how sad you are still about your kitty. I have a feeling I’ll be sad about my dog’s passing for a long time. And to have to process that grief on top of all your other grief from your losses and everything else you’ve had to endure…it’s a lot to have to deal with. Take your time. Feel it all. Then when you’re ready, try to process through it.

  7. Port of Indecision January 25, 2012 at 8:34 pm #

    I think that advice sounds pretty much spot-on. ((hugs))

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