It’s Official- IVF Begins

10 Apr

We kicked off our first-ever IVF attempt today with my first round of injectibles.  It was actually ok.  I am feeling positive that maybe I can handle this.  It was my first time injecting myself with anything and the whole concept had me really nervous.  Now that I’ve done it, it seems a little less daunting.

I feel like I should be really excited about getting back in the game, but to be honest, I am just finding myself going through the motions.   There is some relief to finally be doing this after all the waiting, but I don’t have this super optimism that something amazing is going to happen.  Maybe that happens later.  Instead I find myself thinking “Here we go again doing more steps towards a journey that just seems to keep going”.   Even if it works, the whole thing is resting on me not miscarrying and there’s no real evidence that IVF is going to help.

For this reason, I feel really mixed about this cycle.  I am excited to be doing SOMETHING but still feeling really bitter that I find myself going this far and spending so much time and money with so little proof that it will help.  I have a lot of self-doubts about taking this path.  Since last June we’ve spent most of our time prepping records, doing tests and meeting with IVF and immunology doctors and I find myself feeling empty handed after it all.  Maybe instead of doing all that we should have just kept trying naturally.  It’s been over ten months since I lost my last pregnancy and there’s this feeling that maybe, just maybe the next natural one would have been the ONE!  Instead I have been forced to wait on trying while gathering medical records, scheduling doctor’s appointments, doing countless tests and questionable treatments (even though I did it I still find LIT pretty questionable in terms of efficacy).  So it is with this heavy, doubtful and bitter heart that I am starting this process.

I took of my meds to record where we are.  My first week I am on the Gonal-F, Menopure, Cipro, Dexamethasone, Metformin, Baby Aspirin and Pre natals.  I am expecting some pretty funky side effects.  Any tips on what to expect?



3 Responses to “It’s Official- IVF Begins”

  1. Hope April 10, 2012 at 5:31 pm #

    No tips, but I’ll definitely be rooting for you! I’m glad the injections seem a little less daunting now that you’ve done one.

  2. Misfit Mrs. April 11, 2012 at 6:15 am #

    I also have no tips, but loads of support. I know how exhausted you are in this journey and how hopeless all of this seems by now. This can work and does, for lots of people, and I’m going to hope for you that it works like a charm. I am wishing for good response and a great cycle.

  3. missohkay April 11, 2012 at 7:50 am #

    No tips here either, but lots of support. And luckily it can work whether you believe or doubt… so you can feel however you need to feel to get through. We’ll be rooting for you!

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