Tranferred two, now the wait begins…

27 Apr

 

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The transfer happened on Wednesday and it took me a full 48 hours to process the whole experience.  I am still amazed the whole process works at all.  I went in all optimistic and left filled with awe and anxiety.  It began with a phone call that morning before we even got to the clinic.  Our Dr. told us that the CGH test results were back and for someone of my age and history we could expect a 30% normal rate. Unfortunately for us we weren’t above average at all (like in the egg retrieval).  Instead we only got two.  Getting only 20% was a big shock, but granted way better than 0%.  I was both thrilled to have some normal and crushed that we didn’t have  any more than two after what sounded like such a high yield. 

One of the reasons I wanted to do IVF to begin with is the whole concept of “banking” embryos.  For me it was a huge selling point.  As my eggs and I speed towards 40 and my clock ticks away I had hoped that I could have this safety net of frozen embryos in the bank.  Even if we didn’t need them it just would have been piece of mind.  It sounds greedy to even say this, but I was hoping for a future chance for a sibling.  Instead I feel the opposite.  If this doesn’t work we have to start from scratch and that’s it or if it does work my next chance to make embryos will be when I’m 40.  I am not the superstar embryo creator I thought I was after all.  And while I have hope to one day have a baby one way or another, I feel the door to have a sibling is even more remote.   I started the process back when I was 34 thinking we’d have one and then we’d see about a second.  Maybe an only child will be fine, but I just wanted the choice and it pains me to see that slip away. 

On the flip side, maybe I saved myself from 8 miscarriages, right?  If eight fertilized and were abnormal that’s what would have happened naturally.  So the silver lining is maybe I dodged some more bullets which alone would make this whole process worth it.  Given my last pregnancy was chromosomally normal, we know it takes more than that to survive in my uterus.

So as I wait I keep thinking of all the hurdles ahead. What are the chances this works at all?  If it does work, what is the chance it or they will last?  I’ve already lost at least one chromosomally normal embryo, so why would these be any different?  Beta news will be in one week.  It will be hard to think about anything else in the meantime.

In the meantime life is feeling back to normal after acting like a china doll for three days.  My 1 day bedrest and 2 days of minimal activity end today but I think I am still going to be paranoid about lifting things or moving too quickly. 

On a happy note- We got our first call from the kitten adoption wait list today, so hopefully we will be able to add to our family that way.    I am so ready for new kittens!

 

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3 Responses to “Tranferred two, now the wait begins…”

  1. Misfits April 30, 2012 at 5:55 pm #

    2 is amazing. Congratulations! I know it seems disappointing with the yield, but I have high hopes for this round given everything you’ve done leading up to it. Everything that can be crossed is crossed, and triple crossed for luck for you. Grow cells!

  2. Hopeful May 1, 2012 at 5:47 pm #

    My fingers are crossed for you! They have made it this far so that is a good sign. My husband and I just finished our 3rd LIT treatment and are starting to try to conceive naturally again (thanks again for talking with me before the first trip!). Hopefully we’ll all have good news to share soon. Good luck with your kitten, too!

  3. Kate @ Infertile First Mom May 6, 2012 at 7:52 pm #

    Hi from LFCA. Just wanted to stop by to wish you lots of luck on beta day! I hope this TWW isn’t too excruciating. Congrats on the kitten adoption:) What a great little distraction for you right now!

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