It’s officially over

14 May

Well, pregnancy #6 ended almost as soon as it started.  I just got the call that my beta was only 35.  At least now we know for sure that it’s over.  As sad as it is, at least I didn’t have to find out yesterday, on Mother’s Day.  It was nice to at least have hope on that day for a change.  I am really at a loss as to what to try next.  We pretty much did it all in this last try and I am running out of hope that anything is going to work with my broken body right now.  My body is literally a death machine.  I can’t find out what’s wrong with me and so I can’t seem to fix anything. I feel like I spent the last year trying to diagnose my situation, spending gobs of money, talking to all these new doctors, doing tons of tests and treatments and taking tons of drugs and then here we are again.   This just confirms what I thought all along, that IVF won’t help us, it will only make the loss more painful.  Good bye my chromosomally perfect little boys.


21 Responses to “It’s officially over”

  1. jjiraffe May 14, 2012 at 4:12 pm #

    I am so, so sorry 😦 Abiding with you and sending many hugs…

  2. Hope May 14, 2012 at 4:31 pm #

    I am so, so sorry. 😥 My heart aches for you.

  3. Trisha May 14, 2012 at 4:35 pm #

    I’m so sorry love. My thoughts are with you.

  4. Katie May 15, 2012 at 5:48 am #

    I am so incredibly sorry. xo

  5. SJ May 15, 2012 at 6:30 am #

    Terrible news – I’m so sorry. xo.

  6. Amy May 15, 2012 at 7:20 am #

    I’m so sorry. This just sucks…I’m so sorry.

  7. Jesica May 15, 2012 at 8:38 am #

    So sorry to hear this =(

  8. missohkay May 15, 2012 at 7:27 pm #

    I’m so sorry 😦

  9. Kelli May 16, 2012 at 12:56 am #

    I’m so very sorry. Sending hugs your way.

  10. whitney May 16, 2012 at 5:36 am #

    im so sorry, i feel it is insulting to even say that because that little word just cant even help the hurt you have but you know we all would want to take that hurt for you if we could, im sending peaceful and warm hugs your way…

  11. Nicole May 17, 2012 at 3:46 pm #

    I’m so sorry! Keeping you in my thoughts.

  12. bodegabliss May 18, 2012 at 9:56 am #

    I am so incredibly sorry….and I’m sorry that I didn’t see this until now because I haven’t been able to check in to blogs all week. I’m so mad at the universe that this didn’t work. I had so much hope for you and for your boys. I’m sending all my love and support to you right now. Whatever you decide your next step is, I’ll be here supporting you.

  13. Hopeful May 18, 2012 at 4:57 pm #

    I’m so sorry. Sending you love and light.

  14. traathy May 18, 2012 at 6:01 pm #

    I am so unbelievably sorry to read this. I’ve been quietly following along for some time but have refrained from commenting on fellow RPL girls blogs after we moved on and accepted that it wasn’t happening for us – but this just broke my heart too much not to comment.

    Sending you lots of light. I found that there wasn’t any words to make me feel better when we miscarried, just comfort in knowing that people get it. That helped me and I hope you have those friends around you right now.

  15. starfishkittydreams May 19, 2012 at 10:29 am #

    Thank you all so much for your kind comments. It’s been hard both going through this and having to hide it from the world. All week I’ve been asked “how has your week been? how are you doing?” by people who don’t know and have no idea (and aren’t close enough to share with). I have to just lie and say “great!”. It’s so unfair. I think the secrecy hurts as much as the experience itself. It’s been a really hard and lonely week of darkness.

  16. kekis26 May 20, 2012 at 9:28 am #

    I feel like sorry just doesn’t cut it here, but I will tell you that I wish you didn’t have to go through this. IF sucks and is unfair but then adding m/c to it is just cruel. Even when you feel like it, you aren’t alone. Lots of love . . .

  17. seriously?! May 20, 2012 at 11:09 pm #

    So sorry. Thinking about you..

  18. CrysHouse May 21, 2012 at 7:58 am #

    Thinking about you…and so sorry this has happened. Your comment–“my body is a death machine”–I get it. But I hate that you feel that way.

  19. Andie May 22, 2012 at 12:05 am #

    I’m so very sorry. Thinking of you.

  20. Nity May 22, 2012 at 10:14 am #

    Here from LFCA. I’m so sorry for your loss.

  21. mmstarr August 3, 2012 at 5:10 pm #

    I just found your blog, and I know this post is old, but I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I have just had my 4th loss and just started blogging about it, so I’m making connections with other bloggers who are on a similar journey. I’m glad I found you.

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