Archive | November, 2012

Week 13- Passed the Nucal Scan!

29 Nov

Week 13- Passed the Nucal Scan!

This is starting to feel real! We had all around good news this morning at the nucal translucency scan. Everything was normal and combined with our bloodwork suggest that the baby is healthy and normal (no down’s syndrome or trisomy 18). We have our last genetic screening scan in January. The baby was really moving and jumping around in there a lot which they also saw as a good sign of health.


Week 12: We made it!

25 Nov

We made it to week 12 on Friday (2 days ago)!  We are officially in the second trimester for the first time ever!  I am in disbelief about it all and have been feeling a bit numb, not the tears of joy I was expecting to feel if/when we ever made it this far.  While I don’t expect the other shoe to drop, I am still not ready to be super celebratory.  I guess given our history it’s expect to be cautious.

Since my last post I’ve “graduated” to several milestones.  I am free from my gluten-free/dairy-free diet.  I’ve stopped the prescribed meds (metformin and progesterone).  And my acupuncturist said I can go back down to 1x week.  The biggest milestone came at our ten week ultrasound when they were able to use the ultrasound wand on my stomach.  Sadly I’ve had SO many transvaginal ultrasounds I just thought that was all there was.  I somehow believed the stomach kind was for people who were “really” pregnant. So when the nurse was able to scan straight from my stomach and show us a fetus with actual hands and feet I was completely blown away, like she was talking to someone else.  It was such an opposite experience compared with my 8 weeks scan two weeks earlier with Dr. Mean.

Thank you to everyone for giving the courage to change doctors.  No more Dr. Mean!  Since the new doctor (someone I’ve seen for previous pregnancies) seems to be super busy they’ve been sending us for appointments with the nurse practitioner and physician’s assistant.  So far they’ve been so much nicer and more encouraging than any of the OB’s I’ve had, so I’ve found it a welcome relief.  For that reason I am trying to just keep scheduling with them when I can.

One thing that has helped is the Sonoline B doppler.  It is amazing!  It arrived around 9 1/2 weeks in and it worked that same day!  It was tricky to figure out the right spot as there really is only one spot that picks up any vibrations, but once it does, it is amazing.  Each time we try we’ve been getting a little heart in their beat at around 170 bpm.  Since we have a long time in between ultrasounds, it is really the only reassurance we can get that things are ok in there.  For about $50 it was worth every penny.

Despite all this reassurance I still don’t feel like we are “expecting”.  My stomach looks the same and we haven’t told many people so it all feels like some fantasy in my mind.  That said I find myself afraid to do any real exercise other than walking or yoga.  I used to really enjoy Zumba and Cardio-dance-type classes, but now I just see all that jumping around and think it’s a recipe for miscarriage.  The OB said that it was safe to exercise, but I don’t really know what that means.  I’ve found websites online about pregnancy and exercise that say exercise is safe, but then there is the disclaimer that you should check with your doctor if you have a high risk pregnancy or recurrent loss.  That’s definitely us!  Our OB said it was ok, but I don’t believe him.  I don’t trust regular OBs on this one yet.

Sadly, because of this I’ve been feeling really stuck and having a hard time exercising at all.  That can’t be good. Does anyone have any suggestions for safe exercise routines for paranoid pregnant women like me?  Even yoga scares me a little when we do contra-indicated poses like inversions.  Oy!  I thought after week 12 I’d be in the “safe” zone, but I find myself still feeling very paranoid and overly cautious.  This Friday we are scheduled to go for our nuchal translucency ultrasound.  Fingers crossed!

Update: Nov. 27  I had my last of my weekly series of progesterone blood tests today.  I did this every week for the first trimester for my IVF Dr.  I can’t believe that’s the last prick on the horizon!   While I suspect more of these things come up as part of prenatal care it is exciting to be done with the tests that were for infertility, like somehow I’ve graduated.  Yeah!  Also, feeling less of the nausea and fatigue and more back to regular me.  It could be the magic of the second trimester kicking in or more likely the fact I stopped my nightly progesterone doses a few days ago.  Or maybe some combo of the two.  Either way it is a relief to feel more like myself.

Good news in week 8, but a mean doctor

1 Nov

We had the first official OB appointment yesterday at 8 1/2 weeks along.  It felt like a huge milestone to graduate from the specialty doctor to be back with normal people. It felt very different than the first time when I was naive and clueless, nervous and excited.  Now jaded and skeptical I viewed the whole thing with a mix of disbelief and hesitation.  I admit I had dreamed of being back again here one day so many times through the years.  Through some stroke of magic we had another scan that showed everything was fine, heartbeat was still going on, baby was growing.  According to the Dr. everything looked fine.  We are thrilled but I can’t help thinking that it is just a matter of time before I am found out and someone kicks us out.  I don’t think there is much of anything you can say to someone after so many losses that convinces them that everything is fine, at least not at this early stage.

The Dr. gave us one of those Preparing for your  Pregnancy type books and suggested a website for tracking your pregnancy and even talked about childbirth training and parenting classes.  Whoa, Nellie!  I am not ready for ANY of that yet!  While it is in my nature to be prepared, I just can’t think past 12 weeks right now.  If through some miracle we make it that far, then maybe I’ll be ready.  It just feels too dangerous right now to get our hopes up.

I hate to complain about anything at this stage as I feel so lucky that things are going well, but our first OB visit, which given the good results should have been a positive experience left me and my husband both feeling terrible. The OB himself was, to our surprise, very cold and impatient.  He wanted us to describe to him our entire medical history with dates again after we handwrote it on 2 different forms and provided the full records from our specialist.  It was clear he didn’t read any of it.  He seemed almost bothered that we had such a complicated history with other doctors and didn’t want to hear what we’d gone through beyond the dates of my D&C’s.  The whole time I felt like he was impatient with us because we asked such specific questions that related to our case and history instead of fitting into some cookie cutter proces he had going for new patients.  Whenever I either asked a question or gave too long of an answer he acted ticked off as if I’d interrupted him.  Even the exam part was akward.  At one point we asked what the heart rate was and he said it was “normal”.  Since we knew it was 160 on Friday, we asked what the exact BPM was and he snapped ans said he didn’t know how to get that from the machine!  After the nurse on Friday and our specialist had given us this info easily, I didn’t think it was a big deal.  He seemed self conscious that he didn’t know how to figure it out, and this guy is the HEAD of the department!  Then later he crouched to reach the print outs for several minutes while still holding the u/s wand in my privates.  I was just bracing for him to stand up or lose his balance and jab me right in the crotch by mistake.  It seems like most people would finish the scan before moving on to the next task.  It was just very unnerving and at best, impolite.  On its own would be one thing, but combined with all his snapping and coldness I just got a really bad feeling from him.  It feels like a real loss as I had high hopes of being able to move forward and take a positive first step.  Instead I am dreading my next exam that involves him.

Maybe it is just naturally weird for an OB to deal with someone with people like us who’ve had a long history of problems.  I get that they want a neat and clean start.  Along this journey I’ve met mostly sensitive and empathic clinicians who get that loss and IF are hard.  Somehow either this guy or OBs in general just can’t translate that experience to their world.