To Tell or Not To Tell

6 Dec

A problem I fantasized about having is finally here.  Who do I tell and when?  Since it took 5 years for us to graduate to the second trimester, I honestly wondered if this day would ever come.  As a result I feel totally out of my element.  Sure, I fantasized tons about the one day I could tell people that we are finally expecting.  Until now I’ve told my close friends and family who have been supporting me through all those years of losses and infertility.  Now I find myself lost in how to communicate this to the rest of the world, like that next level of friends and family. Since I work from home, I have the flexibility to hold it from co-workers until I am ready, or until we have an on site work event where it is going to be physically obvious.

There is a part of me that is perfectly content just keeping this information to myself for as long as I can.  Afterall, I am not showing and we are only 14 weeks in. (Yes, 14 weeks tomorrow!  I still can’t believe it).  I am still superstitious and paranoid about going public, as if a miscarriage will be triggered immediately. I also worry about what questions are going to come out from people who have been kept out of the loop.  How much do I have to explain?  My friends who have supported me all along the way already know that week 14 is a huge deal for us.  The rest of the world, however, is more likely to jump into questions about due dates, genders, names, day care plans and all sorts of things I am not even thinking about yet.  Or even worse, questions about what the hell took us so long.    Hopefully most people will be too shy ask about the second one, even if they are thinking it.  I just don’t know how much I really want to go into that.  Essentially if I wanted people to know our whole story, I would have already had shared it with them by now.

With Christmas coming up there will be a lot of opportunities to spill the beans. However, since I am not showing, and probably won’t for a while (given my long torso)  it is totally optional.  So it’s just a matter of when I want to tell.  I am just not sure if I am ready.  But then again, will I ever be ready?  I know the normal route for folks with healthy pregnancy histories is to tell around 12 weeks, but what about for those of us with a shaky history?  With a history or recurrent loss should you wait longer?   Anyone have suggestions or experience here?


6 Responses to “To Tell or Not To Tell”

  1. niccki1211 December 7, 2012 at 6:10 am #

    I’ve had a couple of friends who waited to make the official FB announcement until they were 20 weeks along. One I know real well and she is far away so I hadn’t seen her but knew they had several losses so I know she was in the same boat as you, the other I can only assume is the same situation we aren’t close anymore so I can’t be sure but she’s been with her hubby for quite sometime and then waited till 20 weeks to announce it. In both of those the general response on the post was all positive no one asking why did you wait so long to announce, I’m sure many were thinking it but did not come right out and say so. If you aren’t ready to announce to the world then don’t. Do it when you and hubby are good and ready.

    • starfishkittydreams December 10, 2012 at 7:53 pm #

      That is good advice. We are starting with friends and family and then working our way out. FB announcing is a whole level I am not ready for probably for a while

  2. Misfit Mrs. December 9, 2012 at 5:21 pm #

    I struggled a lot and had no regrets telling most people as late as possible, I am always a fan of just telling people as you feel you need. On this note, I am incredibly excited for this very spot. I know how hard it is to believe that the little one will be in your arms soon, and telling people does help make it more real.

    • starfishkittydreams December 10, 2012 at 7:50 pm #

      Thank you so much. I am feeling better about telling each day. And at the same time still nervous.

  3. Another Dreamer December 9, 2012 at 10:51 pm #

    I understand wanting to wait. Honestly, I planned on waiting as long as I could but I developed that stupid SCH and was on bed rest very early on so I just went ahead and told everyone. I didn’t have much choice, but if I *had* I would have waited. People do make a lot of comments and assumptions and it made me really uncomfortable. And if it’s going to make you uncomfortable anyway, might as well put it off as long as you can. Our family really didn’t understand where we were coming from or why we weren’t planning and talking gender and everything, why we were so hesitant and reserved.

    I think ultimately you just have to do whatever makes you feel the most comfortable.

    And congrats on 14wks! That is fantastic. The second trimester is indeed a major milestone after what you’ve been through!

    • starfishkittydreams December 10, 2012 at 7:54 pm #

      Thank you so much. It is a whole new world that I never thought I’d be in.

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